I have been anxious since I was a child. I was very shy until I got to really know you. I would cry and plead to stay home if there was something going on at school that I did not want to attend (birthday luncheons were the worst for me). I was called goody two-shoes because I always followed the rules because I was anxious about what might happen if I didn’t.
Fast forward to my teenage years, I was just known to be set in my ways and stayed out of trouble. I dated a lot and was often known to be “angry” a lot. Looking back on it now my anxiety started manifesting as anger in my teenage years.
Fast forward to my early and late 20s, every year I get older my anxiety gets worse. It became completely out of control after having my daughter in 2010. I suffered from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Both went undiagnosed and untreated. I was in denial for years until I admitted I needed something in 2013 and finally saw my doctor. Honestly I wish I could have gone on antidepressants sooner. I just couldn’t admit what was staring me in the face.
Fast foward to today, there is not ever a day where I am anxiety-free (yes even with medicine). I have bad days, really bad days, and good days. Most of the time my anxiety is manageable but sometimes I spiral. I am lucky to now have the tools and resources to keep myself from spiraling too much. My body still hurts from the tight muscles, I still get tension headaches, I still get a pounding heart, and I still feel restless. Those are just some of the things that I have to come to terms with living with a chronic condition.
Thanks for reading,